our prof gave us a week extension on our 35 page essay, so the class celebrated by getting right hammered at the grad club after class, at like 4, so im all drunk and i ride my bike home in the snow: huge bail. i was almost laughing as much as the people on the sidewalk pointing and laughing at me.

we have a blood thirsty raccoon living in our attic. we once heard something else up there with it and then there was a huge scuffle, and then a lot of screeching, and then whimpering. we were pretty curious as to whether or not it actually killed something up there, and we imagined it to be a some huge rabid beast, so we had to take a look. i donned my trusty helmet, wig, and cape, and ventured up there. sioned stood by with a huge knife.

it probably couldn’t have been a cuter raccoon. we’re such morons.

all 3 of the essays im working on, plus my thesis, are about something to do with new hollywood and globalization and celebrity, so i have my own small library on my desk, its ridiculous

we went in this flip cup tourament, thinking we were all pro. turns out frat boys can flip it perfectly like every time. we didn’t win a single match. however, we did win best costume, earning back the money we spent making the costume…

on to my 3 day birthday celebration…

whilst i write 54 pages of essay, this forward i got should keep up the ‘must update at least once a week’ part of the blog contract. hopefully you havent seen it…

things you need to know about chuck norris

(more…)

am i one of the smartest dumb people you know?* not that im very smart, but i get pretty decent grades and can fake an intellectual discussion, yet i am still a pretty big moron in a lot of areas. for instance, tonite i got really high and ate a LOT of raw cookie dough**. news to me: apparently you shouldnt eat too much, if at all, raw cookie dough because it has raw eggs in it and can give you worms. jigga what?! how do i get to the ripe old age of 22 and not know that crucial bit of life-saving information?***

* you are encouraged to leave a comment that says “YES!” and then explain why
** mixed into vanilla icecream, it was glorious
*** well, ‘gross-disease-avoiding information’ at least

that’s kind of a bad example, but i get that feeling of being a moron a lot. like how i was demoted at my western film job, cause i sucked at being a projectionist. i dont know what it was, but i kept making these stupid mistakes* at what is actually a really easy job. as my boss said, projectionists are basically just trained monkeys, going thru all these steps to turn a movie on and off. and like now i have probably the lamest job ever as a popcorn boy** and im still asking questions about the stupidest crap at work, cause i just cant remember some things. phone numbers too, i have 3 in my head right now***. and its not even like i have some palm pilot storing all this information****, i just cant remember some stuff. and i sucked at some of my other jobs too*****, but i guess that was more cause i didnt like the job.

* some nearly costing a lot of damage…
** funny how cyclical life can be sometimes, cause my first job ever was the actual popcorn boy at jumbo video, making popcorn and sweeping the floor. least im selling it now, haha. and both jobs i wanted just for free movies.
*** this house, the house i grew up in which isnt even useful anymore, and my buddy since i was 6, also not very useful anymore cause he’s away at school. i dont even know my mom’s phone number.
**** though i nearly got one from eano’s corrupting influence
***** note to potential employer (cause apparently potential employer’s google your name now): dont worry, im good at jobs i care about. but if you think i wont enjoy the job you’re gonna offer me, watch out! helping profs teach with web design, yes. robot, no.

so basically i better make it in this academic world, because all im capable of is thinking abstractly. or maybe i just suck as a robot. either way, i have more incentive to make a go of it in the academic world: im fucked if i dont.

oh well, if it can handle an entire bottle of syrup chugged after some intense games of flipcup at a 10am homecoming kegger, im sure my stomach can handle some cookie dough. fight those worms little buddy!

for those unfamiliar with the university of western ontario, we have a strange creature lurking through our campus. she is called the western girl. having lost her way from the club, but not from her daddy’s credit card, she wears nothing but the latest styles, from enormously large sunglasses to furry little boots. these girls are bascially zombies, so i thought i might as well make the next logical step, and dress up as a zombie western girl. kind of like “zombie squared”. however, i got a little carried away applying the fake blood and a thick stream coming down the inside of my leg was the result. menstruating zombie western girl! generally, most people were disgusted, yet found it hilarious. some people were just disgusted. i had a 20 minute conversation with some drunk guy about whether or not the menstrual blood is over the line. we walked around the party taking a poll, i think i came out on top 7-5, disgusting but funny vs. just disgusting. one girl had to leave the room as i graphically talked about my recent journey into womanhood. one dominatrix girl used her whip on my ass, really hard. and one guy from team zissou tried to kick my ass, i cant remember exactly why. i believe it was a combination of him not liking me or my costume, and that i started spraying beer everywhere. brian was a hot cop, alex was hurricane katrina, paige was mary kate olsen, cam was a slutty asparagus (whom i covered in my menstrual blood), dave was the msn messenger guy, and eano was something. all in all, 2 nights of menstrual blood-soaked debauchery. my favourite time of year is over, and all i have to look forward to now is stupid christmas.

“my first day as a girl, and i think i just became a woman”

“i like totally wanna eat your brain, or something”

halloween posse

me and some of my ghost bustin’ roomies

obviously, the night would have to come to an end with a striptease. obviously.