am i one of those people?
am i one of the smartest dumb people you know?* not that im very smart, but i get pretty decent grades and can fake an intellectual discussion, yet i am still a pretty big moron in a lot of areas. for instance, tonite i got really high and ate a LOT of raw cookie dough**. news to me: apparently you shouldnt eat too much, if at all, raw cookie dough because it has raw eggs in it and can give you worms. jigga what?! how do i get to the ripe old age of 22 and not know that crucial bit of life-saving information?***
* you are encouraged to leave a comment that says “YES!” and then explain why
** mixed into vanilla icecream, it was glorious
*** well, ‘gross-disease-avoiding information’ at least
that’s kind of a bad example, but i get that feeling of being a moron a lot. like how i was demoted at my western film job, cause i sucked at being a projectionist. i dont know what it was, but i kept making these stupid mistakes* at what is actually a really easy job. as my boss said, projectionists are basically just trained monkeys, going thru all these steps to turn a movie on and off. and like now i have probably the lamest job ever as a popcorn boy** and im still asking questions about the stupidest crap at work, cause i just cant remember some things. phone numbers too, i have 3 in my head right now***. and its not even like i have some palm pilot storing all this information****, i just cant remember some stuff. and i sucked at some of my other jobs too*****, but i guess that was more cause i didnt like the job.
* some nearly costing a lot of damage…
** funny how cyclical life can be sometimes, cause my first job ever was the actual popcorn boy at jumbo video, making popcorn and sweeping the floor. least im selling it now, haha. and both jobs i wanted just for free movies.
*** this house, the house i grew up in which isnt even useful anymore, and my buddy since i was 6, also not very useful anymore cause he’s away at school. i dont even know my mom’s phone number.
**** though i nearly got one from eano’s corrupting influence
***** note to potential employer (cause apparently potential employer’s google your name now): dont worry, im good at jobs i care about. but if you think i wont enjoy the job you’re gonna offer me, watch out! helping profs teach with web design, yes. robot, no.
so basically i better make it in this academic world, because all im capable of is thinking abstractly. or maybe i just suck as a robot. either way, i have more incentive to make a go of it in the academic world: im fucked if i dont.
oh well, if it can handle an entire bottle of syrup chugged after some intense games of flipcup at a 10am homecoming kegger, im sure my stomach can handle some cookie dough. fight those worms little buddy!
you can only get sick from raw eggs if they have touched the outside of the shell. that’s where all the disease/chicken vagina* germs are.
that picture makes me want to eat a TON of cookie dough right now. damn you and your cookie dough tales. and the picture too! AHH.
*probably the grossest thing I have typed all day. all weekend even. and yet I still want cookie dough.
Comment by Paige — November 13, 2005 @ 9:04 pm
just swallow a bird or something.
eat those worms
Comment by brian — November 14, 2005 @ 10:30 am
whew, thank god im chicken vagina disease free.
and the bird idea is duly noted just in case, though i’ll have to brainstorm some ideas to get rid of the bird once it does its job, perhaps a poisonous snake of some kind.
Comment by andrew — November 14, 2005 @ 6:46 pm
For what it’s worth, I’ve always considered you one of the dumbest smart people I’ve ever known.
Chicken vaginas, Paige? Seriously, eww.
Comment by Chris in NF — November 14, 2005 @ 8:11 pm
if it makes you feel better, i only recently found out that when a movie preview says “academy award winner [insert actor’s name here],” the actor didn’t win an award for THAT movie but rather, for a previous film.
and is it Magic Johnson that has AIDS? cos i missed that boat too.
da da da..
sometimes.. info just skips you over, you know?
Comment by alex — November 14, 2005 @ 11:04 pm
so its true! maybe i’ll put ‘dumbest smart person ever known’ on my business card. i was thinking ‘brilliantesque’ but this is probably more accurate.
and wow alex, thats almost as bad as when i was 12 and the independence day preview said ‘only in theatres july 4′ so i went july 4 cause i thought that was the only day it was playing…
Comment by andrew — November 15, 2005 @ 12:04 am
Well it’s a good thing you live with the smartest smart person you know.
I will show you the ways of the world my intellectually inept little buddy…but first….get me something sweet ;)
Comment by Dyer — November 15, 2005 @ 11:51 pm
paige made me cookies last weekend, they were good, i didnt eat the dough, but found out about the outside the shell thing. why is this worth a comment. i dont know.
wasnt einstein supposed to be really dumb socially. at least your fun at a party, so like you got something on him!
this was a waste of a comment
Comment by mister jason eano — November 17, 2005 @ 4:20 pm
okay muffy, in my opinion you are not a dumbass at all. you may be a smart arrogant elitest fuck but nothing about you is dumb, i mean look how media savy you are? and think about all the times you told me that History of Violence was cool? ;)you must be brilliant….
ps history of violence sucks ass
Comment by jillbags — November 18, 2005 @ 12:05 pm
that cookie dough does look delicious.
i think you do a fine job of popcorn boy. i mean, you provide such delicious tasting popcorn with butter-y goodness.
but if projectionist boy = robot. then matt bacon = robot ??
I KNEW IT.
Comment by sylvia — November 18, 2005 @ 2:47 pm
look at all these wonderful comments, i love it. guess i need to admit to my own idiocy more often…
Comment by andrew — November 19, 2005 @ 2:55 am
i definitely eat—and love— raw cookie dough. no worms yet… myth?
Comment by jill* — November 20, 2005 @ 5:34 pm
i know this is a little late, but:
you are the dumbest dumb person i know.
zing!
Comment by sarah — November 21, 2005 @ 9:58 pm
you cut me real deep sarah. real deep.
and i have since found out that it is indeed a myth jill. hey do i know you? fellow westerner i see, you in mit too?
Comment by andrew — November 22, 2005 @ 1:51 am